THE WRONG TROUSERS?

Found among the effects in the bullet-pocked,

blood stained rooms of Bin Laden’s hideaway

in Abbottabad – named for Major Abbott

of the British Raj – was a journal

describing Osama’s time in the UK

as a young, ultimately disillusioned,

teenager. For some reason, unexplained,

with his hosts he visited Shakespeare’s birthplace

every Sunday. ‘Here’s a knocking indeed!…

How now? A rat? Dead, for a ducat, dead!’

Also found: ‘Mr Bean’s Holiday’

dubbed in Pashtu; the viral video

‘Charlie Bit My Finger’; and an episode

of Wallace and Gromit.