David Selzer is a writer of poetry, prose fiction, screenplays and stage plays. He embraces digital platforms to share his work of more than fifty years… READ MORE


  • A SORT OF KADDISH

    Today, entering the house from the garden,

    I turned, involuntarily, to look back,

    but saw nothing more than what is always there,

    small rooms of eclectic evergreens – olive,

    camellia, rhododendron, bay –

    and, for some reason, I thought of my father

    dead for almost as long as I have lived.

     

    I have shuffled what I know of him

    like a pack of cards in a game of patience

    for a lifetime – would he approve, be proud,

    that twenty six year old secular Jew

    from North West London, a personable

    young man by all accounts, whose friends were artists?

     

    As I grew old enough to be his father,

    and then his grandfather, I began

    to think of him less and less with longing,

    but always as my loss, and my mother’s,

    when she lived, and his family’s – and my loss

    had as much to do with a heritage lost

    in that pack of cards as with lost love.

     

    Today, I thought, for the first time, of what

    he had lost – of all those years never known,

    of all the sweetness of being alive –

    and hoped, as he lay dying from sepsis

    four thousand miles from those he loved,

    he became too delirious to see

    what he would never know.

     

     

     


    9 responses to “A SORT OF KADDISH”


    1. Catherine Reynolds Avatar
      Catherine Reynolds

      This is such a personal poem of loss, David. Loss of a father, a husband and friend to others. Loss of acknowledgement and feelings of being loved and valued. But, as you say, the loss of a life not yet fully lived, perhaps even not imagined. His death, many miles from home, distant from friends and family, is a tragic experience of things unrequited.

    2. Sizwe Vilakazi Avatar
      Sizwe Vilakazi

      Well augmented sense of loss

    3. Ian Craine Avatar
      Ian Craine

      Moving, very moving

    4. Ashen Venema Avatar

      As our world is grieving, our losses come to the fore.
      You express yours so poignantly …

      …I have shuffled what I know of him
      like a pack of cards in a game of patience
      for a lifetime – would he approve, be proud…

      A line from Clarice Lispector comes to mind, from ‘A Breath of Life.’
      … ‘Long live the dead because we live in them.’ …

    5. Jane Barth Avatar
      Jane Barth

      ‘of all the sweetness of being alive …’ This line cut into me and made me aware of how we waste that sweetness. We are so careless.

    6. John Huddart Avatar
      John Huddart

      It is the first verse which supplies the sense your father’s being still there. Gardens being the places of growth and the repositories of continuity, year in, year out. No wonder we are slaves to them. Fine poem.

    7. arthur kemelman Avatar
      arthur kemelman

      Just a few words to compliment you on – A Sort of Kaddish. I liked it very much. The way you handled the motifs of presence/non-presence, longing and loss and memories like playing cards created a very powerful and touching poem.

    8. Las Finix Avatar
      Las Finix

      What he had found –
      for all those years premeditated
      for being alive is not only in flesh
      but in essence
      he lay dying in sepsis
      to be a witness-
      And in delusion
      became our history
      That what is always there presents us
      of who was and is – always there.

    9. Alan Horne Avatar
      Alan Horne

      It’s all been said in the preceding comments, but this is a great poem.

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